Christmas Cheer

I took a chance and went in yesterday, but on the way there changed my mind and walked through town, thought maybe I could find a job in the run up to Christmas. I won’t miss too much at college and can maybe catch up next term.

Some sort of feeding frenzy going on, even that early in the morning with over a week to go, people shopping as if when this lot’s sold out there’ll be no more stuff in the shops – ever. It took a couple of hours but I did it – got a job wrapping pressies in a gift shop – one of those that appear a few weeks before and disappear on Christmas morning – Christmas Secrets it was called. The girl they hired last week had let them down and things were hectic. Spent the rest of the day wrapping after a short training period to get the hang of things, came away with cash in hand. Not bad either.

Then I’m walking along this empty street past these homes all got up with lights and reindeer and santas, flashing trees and carols playing and god knows what and thinking how sinister they look, like gingerbread houses to lure children in and wondering what I’m going to find when I get back.

And suddenly I’m shattered and hoping Marz has got some food in and that Danny hasn’t legged it. And then I’m there and it’s almost worse than if he has ‘cos the place stinks and there’s Marz and Danny sprawled on the settee passing a spliff one to the other and drinking vodka and I’m screaming ‘Danny, what the bloody hell are you doing with that stuff when it’s what made you ill?’ and turning on Marz and giving her a mouthful. And she’s saying that if I’m going to have men in my room the least I could do is to introduce them to her first as it’s only polite to do so.

So I go off and have a cry but no one comes in to see how I am so after a while I get up and go out and get some food at Mr Naidoo’s as Marz probably had something before she came home but I know they’ll both be hungry soon. And I’m wondering whose stuff it is and thinking the pair of them are hopeless and Danny’ll be hearing voices again at this rate and what the hell am I going to do.

Mr Naidoo notices straight away. ‘You’ve been crying,’ he says, and I ask how he knows and he says that I look like a panda as all my mascara has smudged, and he makes me come into the back and sit down and Binita gives me char and little cakes.

That was yesterday. Wrapping again today and Danny and Marz stoned when I got home. I’m so tired.