Thinking Day

Thinking, thinking all day long till my head hurts, but at least Marz came back. There was a trail of clothes all along the passageway and when I opened her door a crack she looked so rough I thought she was dead – two bruised eyes in a face like week-old pastry and tortured hair spread on the pillow like spaghetti. There should be a law against bleaching hair to within an inch of its life – not that she’d take any notice if there was. She hadn’t brought any food home so I went along to Naidoo’s on the corner and blew the rest of the twenty on a loaf and some milk, eggs and bacon, HP sauce, tea and coffee – what’s the point in saving it when Danny could be anywhere? Marz didn’t surface till half past four in spite of the smell of cooking bacon, and then only when I took her in a cuppa.

‘Where’ve you been,’ I said, ‘I was worried.’

She laughed like one of those bloody magpies that hang around the park opposite, but ended up coughing and had to light a fag before she could speak.

‘Who the hell’s the kid around here?’ she said, so I left her to it. There’s no sense in Marz after she’s been out drinking.

But Marz coming home doesn’t fix the problem of Danny. Where would he go? I can’t stand to think of him out in the cold with no cash and he hates talking to people so he’s not going to ask anyone for help. Would he try to find me? I don’t know. Ms Monotone said I must contact the police if he does – ‘Keep him with you and call 999,’ she said, ‘he might be dangerous.’ I laughed at that. ‘Danny’s not dangerous,’ I said, ‘never has been. And he was getting better before you lot got your hands on him again.’

She quivered and swelled a bit then and said all prim, ‘I’m not going to argue with you. His history is well documented, and I’d like to remind you that it was violence that necessitated bringing him back here. It seems he’d been neglecting to take his medication whilst at Middleton House and was hearing the voices again.’ Yeah, right, I thought, but I didn’t say it.

Instead I looked her in the eye and asked if it was quite the professional thing to be telling me this and what about patient confidentiality and all that, and before I knew it I was out of there and the nurse was marching me along the corridor. Danny, where the hell are you?