It's my life...

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Catching up

I went home and had this huge row with Marz who’d got back by then. We said some things and it ended up with me shutting my bedroom door on her and pushing the chest of drawers against it to keep her out. She was screaming and yelling that if I didn’t open up she break the thing down but I just lay on the bed with my head under the pillow. After a while there was this hammering and it all went quiet for a bit. Seems the old bag next door called the police. Marz was okay after that – even came to tell me about it through the door. But I didn’t open up – I’d had enough. She went off to bed laughing like a lunatic. Best forgotten I reckon. By the time I’d tidied up the dolls all thoughts of ringing Andy had buggered off somewhere.

I didn’t ring the next day either. I like him but what would be the point? His job sits between him and me like a red light or a sign with DANGER written all over it. And although I’m half tempted by the thought of being looked after it’s not really on. No one’s going to look after me in this world – I have to stay strong on my own, not risk getting weak and dependent only to have someone fuck off on me. And there’s Danny to think of too. I have this soft place for him somewhere, as if it’s been programmed into me and all that scratchy aggro has just grown up around it.

Been trying to catch up with reading for college, but it’s hard. I’m hot and cold about the whole idea but somehow manage to keep at it. If I’m really struggling one look at Marz is all it takes to get me back on track.

No sign of Pete or crazy Calla. I’ll be out of here soon.