It's my life...

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Head over heels

Saturday morning. Everything a muddle. haven’t been able to eat or sleep, and sometime between now and last Tuesday the smile on Ali’s face (the one I keep seeing all over the place) changed to a sort of mysterious smirk like the one in that painting – what’s it called? – the Mona Lisa, as if she knows something I don’t. Well she does, doesn’t she? She knows how she really feels. Wish I did. I still haven’t heard from her – yet how could I when there’s no way she can get in touch except by turning up at home? And what if she did and ran into Marz? That’d be the end of it probably. But I risk it and drag myself into Old Stuff even tho I’d rather be at home just in case, rather stay in bed and try to lose a few hours in dreams or nothingness. I get to the shop early and unlock, but don’t open up as there’s tidying and cleaning to do first. Jo likes me to wait till she gets back from the market so we can sort the new stock out.

It’s funny in there with the lights off (if I put them on people tend to tap on the door, even tho the closed sign’s up), sort of dim and silent with the ghosts of all the past owners of the stock lurking around. Maybe it’s their smell, which seems to hang about even tho Jo sniffs everything before she buys it and always washes the things that can take it at home before bringing them in. I don’t mind them tho, and it’s not as if they’re all dead, only the ones who wore the very old stuff from the twenties and thirties probably.

Then Jo turns up and I don’t have much time to think about Ali after that. The first ones in are a couple of guys – one a big bald white bloke and the other a beautiful slim black man who reminded me of Danny, only he was a lot darker. They pull out all the really over-the top stuff – ‘Anything with sequins or feathers darling…’ and spend all morning in and out of the dressing rooms and in front of the huge mirror at the end of the shop. They’re brilliant at grabbing things from different rails and getting a look together – sort of Lily Savage meets Leah from BB. Everything has to be approved, not only by each other but also by Jo and me, but they’d somehow turned the shop into a carnival and cheered me up so it was easy enough to smile. They didn’t leave till after midday loaded down with silky dresses and feather boas and a little pink sequinned bag that I’d have dies for a few months ago. So, we’re pretty busy all day. Then until around five things calm, and I look around to see what needs putting away before we lock up and she’s there. Ali’s there, in the shop and I wonder if I’m dreaming. I haven’t had a lunch break, no breakfast either, just loads of coffee and I could be hallucinating. I stand there like a dummy and I’m thinking it’s going to be okay but I can’t speak and she’s smiling and then she says, ‘I went to your house but you weren’t there, but you mum said…’ and then she’s laughing and hugging me and I can half see Jo’s face sort of floating behind her but I don’t care and I think I’m going to pass out but I don’t and Jo’s saying, ‘It’s been a busy day Jazz, you get off now and I’ll get the place sorted’ and we’re out the door and holding hands and suddenly everything’s beautiful.